i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
