I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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