Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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