saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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