I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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