I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
