I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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