I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
