2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
