My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
