How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
