everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Couch. On fire.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
