Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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