Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
