I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
