You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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