Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
