Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
