Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
