If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
