At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
