Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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