To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
