I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
