I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
