now i know why i became what i already was.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You ruined the universe
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
