Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just invented taco cereal.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
