Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
