Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
