How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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