Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
