You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
