Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
do herpes really smell.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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