So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she pinky promised me she was 18
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
