I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
