some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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