Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
