my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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