Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
