I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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