she looked like the bat from fern gully.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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