I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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