Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
