You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
