Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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