Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
