The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
