dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
