before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
