shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
